Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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