Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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