His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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