I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
