Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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