So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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