New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
People in love make me want to vomit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
