standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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