Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
