Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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