Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
