Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
