is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
