Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize