Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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