I'm laying in your front yard are you home
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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