I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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