On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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