We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
