My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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