it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
