at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my shit smells like andre
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize