My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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