at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
