Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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