He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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