I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
