We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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