you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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