I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
