I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
