4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
