They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
