i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
