Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
