You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
