walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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