im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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