How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
