yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
