I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
