First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
