Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was confusing and full of hummus
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
