my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
