living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
