maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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