Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
