You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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