Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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