Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
