awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
