Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
