508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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