dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
