I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
