I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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