I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
