saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize