Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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