Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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