Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
