I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
