Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize