Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The Olympian is in my bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
