Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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