Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
