Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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