she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
