So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You ruined the universe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
