She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
