Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
