Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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