Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
