never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
