I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
