Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
