I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
