College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude. I can hear the air.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
