Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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