All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
