This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
