Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
