Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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