He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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