at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
