bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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