I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
