He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
