Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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