I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
