I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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