At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
