so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
