so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
