CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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