we made out on top of his cat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
