Do you still have your period?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
