Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
