I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
