I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
