I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
