I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
