a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
