when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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